Friday, July 29, 2011


When your baby is old enough to start babbling cute, little words, all you want to hear is those two magical words..."Ma Ma!" When the day finally comes, it melts your heart. You practices over and over with them..."" You ignore any other consonant-vowel verbiage. Who wants to hear "da da" and "ba ba," when they can clearly say "MA MA!?" Those first sweet utterances are music to your ears. It fills you with so much pride, because your baby is claiming you.  Eventually, those baby noises of  "ma ma" and "da da" turn into real words, like mommy and daddy. And when that happens, you get a twinge pain just below your heart, because your baby isn't really a baby anymore. The feelings of lost babyhood quickly fade and are replaced with admiration. "My baby  toddler knows me. I am his mommy." All day I hear 'mommy' this and 'mommy' that...until recently. All of sudden, I'm "MOM". When the heck did that happen? (probably since Mase was 7 yrs. old) I have consistently been 'Mommy'  forever,  since Mason could utter the words. When Ella came she just repeated what her big brother said. I was "Mommy."  All of sudden, this word, this one syllable breaks my heart just a little. The more M & E use it, the more quickly Cash will start saying it. And Cash for too young to be calling his mother, "MOM!" Thankyouverymuch! Isn't there some sort of pill I can give these kids to stop growing up? I'm contacting Pfizer today! I am a mom, yes. But I love being their mommy, because to me, a mommy is needed just a tad bit more than a mom. 

I could be wrong, so I'm calling my mom! 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Life today...

I've been working full time for about 6 weeks now.  I've had to adjust my brain to being away from the kids and Ryan for more than a couple of hours during the day. And let's just say, it's been an adjustment. It's been difficult on all of us. I miss my family. I feel like I'm missing out on important events. I miss their faces and their laughs. And they miss me. The best part of working is coming home. I can hear Cash upstairs standing at the gate, yelling "Maaaaa Maaaaaaaa" and Ella and Mase scrambling to hide, so they can scare me. I get big hugs and sweet kisses, unless they're sleeping, which is usually the case when I work a closing shift. I like feeling missed. I've never really felt that as a stay at home mom. I was never gone long enough to be missed. Every morning the kids ask "Do you work today?" When I respond with a reluctant ".....yes." I get tears and even bigger hugs. And I love it! It's horrible to say aloud but I love it. I always knew my children loved me and needed me around. But when you're home 24/7 with your kids and never have the opportunity to let them miss you, when you finally experience it, it's awesome! 
Moving on. Ryan and I have been spending less and less time together. It sucks. I miss him. We're still affectionate and loving but our time has diminished. We need more time. I know with three children, a new business and my full time job, that doesn't leave much time for us, so I guess I'll have to get creative and make time for us. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Monday, July 25, 2011

Living your dream...

Since I was a little girl, all I ever wanted to be was a teacher. I wanted to teach children and be around them.  I had this incessant need to be around people, to learn from them, teach them and communicate on all levels. I was always a very talkative child and now as a chatty adult, people still have to tell me to "slow down." I talk fast, I think fast and I communicate on many levels. I talk with my hands, my body, my entire being. I'm passionate and speak with conviction, even about the most mundane of topics. I feel every emotion I spew out of my mouth. I can be overwhelming and over the top. And of all this has had a purpose. My dream to be a "teacher" has gone and passed. However, my dream has morphed into my reality today. I am a mother. The ultimate teacher. I teach my children every day and learn from them every day. I get to communicate on levels I never thought possible...and feel emotions I never knew existed. My dream to be a teacher wasn't in the cards for me, but my dream to be a  teacher, a person who gets to teach others and learn from others and educate on many levels, is happening right before my eyes. I am so lucky. I had a "self realization moment" today. Our dreams as children are usually exactly what our hearts and souls need later in life. That little boy who dreamed of becoming a fire fighter...his need to help and will play out in his life somehow. The little girl who wants to be a make-up artist, (Ella) will find the joy in making others feel great about themselves, someday. Whether it be through their actual dream or some other form of it, it will happen...because our childhood dreams never die. They may lay dormant and sleep for a while, but eventually we find ourselves living our dreams, however they come to us.
So, when I put my kids to bed and say "Sweet dreams...." I mean it. I want for them the sweetest of dreams.